So where have I been? I’m sure you are wondering, right? That’s if I have any viewers hahaha. I’ve been figuring out my new normal, and being a wife, sister, mother, and friend. I’ve also been trying to figure out my walk in faith. You think since it’s been a year I would have figured that out, but I don’t. I celebrated 1 year since having open heart surgery this past October, and I’m still not used to the clicking in my chest from the mechanical valve. I’m also still very aware of all the anxiety I experience, and sometimes I wonder if it will ever go away.

So let’s pick up where I left off. I’m hoping to write more here since deleting all my social media due to the anxiety. It took me a couple days to wake up from the anesthesia. My husband said I had several panic attacks, and hallucinations in those 2 days. I don’t remember much, other than my mom saying you have to wake up. I don’t know what medication I was on, but it was contributing to the panic attacks and hallucinations. After I came off of them, I was fine and began to come to my senses.

I was in the ICU for about 2 to 3 days. During that time, I was not feeling it. I mean if you’re honest if you have a 12 inch scar on your chest, would you? I coughed for the first time after surgery, and the tubes in my chest came out. I transferred with help from the bed to the chair a lot and did my best to walk when I could. It was hard, because I had to have help. When you’re used to being independent, giving you independence to someone else is hard. Eventually I worked up to go to the cardiac unit upstairs

I was in the cardiac unit for about a week in a half. I won’t go through all the days I was there, because that’s a pretty long time to document. I will say there are some good nurses, and some bad nurses. I had some that would help me, and some that didn’t care. I remember 2 nurses didn’t give me pain medication, until they felt like I needed it. It was difficult to get help. because I was young. I would often have to do things by myself or ask my husband for help. There were some nurses that I don’t remember their names, but I do appreciate them because they actually took the time to ask if I needed anything. And they delivered! I haven’t been back to the cardiac unit, but maybe one day and hopefully not for another surgery.

In a later post I will talk about thing needed at home to make your recovery easier. I will include Amazon links also, because who doesn’t love Amazon. I eventually was able to go home. I was tired being in the hospital, because there was only so much you can do there as a young person. I remember I had my husband bring a couple things to keep me entertained, when he was away. During this time, he was my number one support and always vouched for me.

So where was God in the midst of this? Personally, he was right there with me. This time in my life I had to truly rely on him, because it was at this moment I was there because of him. I originally was going to not go to the hospital, because I originally thought the Shortness of Breath was going to go away, but I kept feeling tug to go and get seen, and I did. I believe that tug was him leading me to go get seen. I argued to the insurance about this, because they stated I was stable during that time and I didn’t need to be admitted but I was moments away from a rupture. It was during this time I was grateful for life, and everything that God has done for me.